How a Quaker Wedding Works

Rich and I will be having a Quaker wedding, and I suspect that the vast majority of our guests will not be familiar with these events, so I wanted to provide a brief overview of the Quaker ceremony so you're not all sitting there wondering if there's some kind of starting pistol we're all waiting on. We will also provide an overview on our programs on the day itself, for the non-Interneters. At our most recent meeting with our Clearness Committee, a group of Quakers that helps guide our preparation for marriage, one of the members had a very helpful, succinct pamphlet from the Philadelphia Yearly Meeting that gives a good description of what a Quaker marriage is all about. Luckily, they have also published it online:

From its beginning, the Religious Society of Friends has stressed the conviction that marriage is a binding relationship entered into in the presence of God and of witnessing Friends. Before this public commitment is made on the day of the wedding, the proposed marriage must have received the approval of the monthly meeting, given after careful consideration by an appointed committee.

The wedding itself is a meeting for worship, held after the manner of Friends, within which the marriage takes place. The bridal couple enter the meeting and take their places at the front of the room. In giving themselves to each other, they eliminate the custom of the bride being given away by her father. No third person pronounces them man and wife because Friends believe that God alone can create such a union and give it significance. Neither a bridal party nor an exchange of rings is necessary to Friends' procedure, although both have become customary today.

In an atmosphere of quiet and reverence during the period of worship, the couple rise. Taking each other by the hand, they make their promises, first the groom and then the bride, using the following or similar words:

"In the presence of God and these our friends, I take thee ... to be my wife (husband), promising with Divine assistance to be unto thee a loving and faithful husband (wife) so long as we both shall live."

When the couple is seated again, the marriage certificate is brought for them to sign. Then someone who has previously been selected to do so reads the certificate aloud. This is done with dignity and care in order to contribute to the atmosphere of worship.

The meeting then continues in silent waiting upon God while those assembled share in the worship through prayer and meditation or through spoken messages. The person chosen to close the meeting may, if desired, provide an opportunity for the bridal party to withdraw. Those present are asked to sign the certificate as witnesses to the marriage. A copy of the certificate is made for the records of the monthly meeting in whose care the marriage has taken place, and the legal requirements are completed by a committee appointed by that Meeting.

Many Quaker marriage certificates, handed down from generation to generation, have proved to be valuable historical records. Today, as well, the certificate becomes a cherished possession in the new home, recalling the reverent attitude of worship with which the marriage began and the company of loving friends who took part in it.

What does this mean for our particular wedding? When the ceremony begins, our family members will proceed to their seats, followed by our wedding party and finally by Rich and I. We will have a member of our Clearness Committee stand and explain the ceremony, and then we will have a period of silent reflection until Rich and I stand and say our vows to each other. After the vows, a member of our wedding party will read our Wedding Certificate aloud, and then we will sign it. Silent worship will then continue and if you feel moved to say something, you can feel free to stand and do so. Quakers generally leave a few minutes between speakers in order to better digest the voiced messages. When the Meeting is completed, the same member of our Clearness Committee will stand and close the Meeting, at which point we will all proceed to the reception, with guests stopping to sign the Wedding Certificate as witnesses on their way.

Please feel free to call or email me if you have any questions, but I also encourage you to post questions in the comments here. This is unfamiliar territory for most of our guests, so let's wade through the confusion together!

Wedding Trivia

If you are interested in knowing more about the more frivolous details of the wedding, like bridesmaid dresses, jewelry, etc., I sometimes write about them on my regular blog, The Outlaw Josie Brown. That link will take you right to postings about the wedding itself, but you can always click home if you'd like to see what else I have to babble about on any given day.

What Do I Wear?

Several people have asked what to wear to the wedding and I have yet to pin down a concise answer. Here's what's in play.

• It's the Fourth of July. The liklihood is that it will be hot and relatively humid. If you would like to check the weather closer to the event, click here for the Weather.com forecast in Barre (zip code 01005).
  
• The ceremony will be outside. It will be a Quaker ceremony, which means that there is less standing, kneeling, etc., than you may be used to, but we will also be outside for at least half an hour.
  
• The reception will be in the climate-controlled Harding Allen pavilion. We will adjust the temperature for everyone's comfort.

Of principal concern to Rich and I is for everyone to be comfortable. This is good policy for everyday, anyway...if your clothing isn't comfortable and doesn't make you feel like a million bucks, why wear it? We'd like you to follow the same guidelines. Please aim for Daytime Semi-Formal attire, but make sure you feel great and are comfortable.

I would recommend that women pay special attention to their choice of footwear. Though the pavilion is indoors, we will also have the run of the estate, which includes several grassy areas and English gardens. While you don't need to limit yourself to flat shoes, you may want to bring a pair of flats just in case you find yourself in heel-hostile territory. Even if you plan on bringing a small purse, take a look at foldable or thin shoes that will fit - I like London Sole and Redfoot After Party Shoes.

Do NOT, please please please do not forget sunscreen! I would hate to see lobster-red necks walking out of the door as we leave. Sun damage is forever, people. Make sure you have SPF 15 or higher. Ladies have no excuse, since you can easily find foundation or tinted moisturizer with at least SPF 15, but make sure you slather your menfolk, and single menfolk? Slather yourselves. No one wants to flirt with the guy with the sizzling red neck.

The Lovely Ladies

Sarah Brown
Maid of Honor

Sarah is - obviously - Josie's younger sister. She currently attends Arcadia University, just outside of Philadelphia. She is going into her senior year this fall and is a Communications major. She currently works at Hollywood Tans and spends a lot of time with her girlfriends and boyfriend Nick in Wyncote, where she lives in a totally swank apartment building that is nicer than our house.

Ashley Pontius
Bridesmaid

Ash and Josie attended American University together and lived together in Hughes Hall, where they mostly horrified the populace with loud commentary on politics and the Annual Christmas Elvis Presley/Mariah Carey Dancefest. Interestingly enough, Ash and Josie were also born at the same hospital in Harrisburg, PA. Ashley is currently working as a news producer in Amarillo, TX and lives with her boyfriend Jon and their dog, Lucy.

Cecilie Huseby
Bridesmaid

Cecilie stayed with Josie's parents as an exchange student from Norway. She and Josie spent a lot of time together during her year here, not least of all on a Carribean cruise with Josie and Ashley, which all survived unscathed. She is currently preparing to take exams to begin school to become a doctor, and spending her free time travelling to fabulous locales to the envy of all.


Celia Ozereko
Bridesmaid

Josie and Celia have known each other since college, and even though Celia has moved to her home state of Washington with her husband, Jarrod, another college friend of both ladies. Celia is the mom of two (two!) adorable children, Zoe and Dominic. Jo and Celia spend most of their time developing Russian conspiracy theories and discussing literature, politics and music. Celia also shares her extensive wisdom in the areas of green living and cooking (...seriously guys, WOW the cooking), which Josie takes in but rarely has the skills to imitate. Someday! Someday.


Luciana Herman
Bridesmaid

Lucy and Josie are writing and fashion addicts who have built their friendship on an affinity for sarcasm and profanity. One of last year's best adventures was a trip to the Harvard Bookstore (that involved chasing a commuter rail train to Framingham...no lie) to see mutual favorite David Sedaris read from his latest, When You Are Engulfed in Flames. Lucy lives with her husband, Lee, near Scranton, PA and is currently working on her Masters thesis - a feminist western eagerly enticipated by freaking everyone.